Out of the Darkness
by rubic-cube
Summary: James MIA to his beloved wife's grave. In his sorrow he finds a true friend.


Disclaimer – I don't own anything of Ian Fleming or the James Bond franchise!

**Title – Out of the Darkness**

Blue tinted fingertips grasped the granite stone in despair. White knuckles holding on for dear life as the wave numbness swept through the powerful body again. There were no more tears shed but that was of little comfort to him. He stared down at the inscription waiting for something, for hope.

James Bond could not feel any warmth inside. It was a bitterly cold ordinary winter's day, with snow laying thickly, covering the ground in a blanket of white. A new sheet for children to play in. A new day for laughter and joy. And he had foolishly hoped for a new life.

The cemetery was quiet like the dead. Nothing moved, not even a bird had disturbed 007's memories and dreams that he had began to formulate when he married Tracy Di Vicenzo this day, one year ago. He tried to feel the pain that had filled him since she was murdered but only the numbness reminded.

He chuckled ironically to himself. He did not even have his emotions as companions out here beside her grave. Wasn't M always nagging Bond that he let his feelings involve themselves in his line of work, particularly when there was a pretty face to save? It least he would be the excellent spy now – for Queen and country.

His grey eyes closed, scrunched to block out the faces, the looks that had surrounded him. No, he could not return to the pity glances and the supposedly understanding sympathetic nods in his direction as he went in the MI6 building. Each step made the 007 want to scream, punch and hurt the next person because they could not understand!

Always the free spirit, James was the man that could be called upon to gamble at high stakes. However, he had lost big time and with the one thing that he had been searching for. Another bitter smile twisted onto his handsome face. Love. That was what he had been hunting for across the world, in all the corners of his seedy, shadowy life. Maybe it had something to do with him being an orphan – never having the bonds of a mother or father or simply a family did not allow him to experience the love he craved for. He knew internally that he needed someone to care for _him, _not 007 or Bond, but James. To want to look after him when in sick and in health, for better for worse.

Resting his head against the cold headstone disrupted his thoughts. Bond could not go on like this. It would be the death of him in his career which probably meant his life too. He needed to return back to the little villa that Marc Draco had situated him in before nightfall. His father-in-law would be watching him like a hawk for his arrival, having no qualms at sending his men out to retrieve the spy if necessary. James knew that he clearly was being babysat.

Since arriving here, Tracy's father had looked at James when 007 arrived here unexpected six days ago asking if he could see his wife, with a mixture of sadness and respect for the British spy. Two nights ago, Marc had taken upon himself to thank the man for bringing so much joy to his daughter's life and showed that did not hold him to blame for the shooting.

"We both lived in a world that is dangerous James, no matter what side we are on", the leader scolded Bond as the younger man scoff at his wise words. "She knew the risks and for her it was enough because she had you." He had left and patted 007's back. "Do not stay and drown in grief at her side…she would not have wanted that and neither do I." It had not taken long for Bond to succumb to the bottle of fine brandy that was occupying space on the side table that night.

"James?"

Bond spun around from his crouched position with one hand inside his unbuttoned coat clasping the cold metal that hung at his left side in a second. His cold, grey eyes hardened at the surprise he had gotten, cursing himself inwardly for letting his guard down and then all of a sudden he looked up bewildering to his opponent.

"Moneypenny?"

007 blinked twice to check that he was not hallucinating at the figure that stood three metres away. However, the petite female frame remained and the soft brown curled hair brushed back into a bun with the familiar dark blue eyes looking at him steadily was Miss Moneypenny's features. Dressed in comfortable, warm dark trousers and a long green pea coat with hat and glove stood M's secretary waiting patiently for him to gather his surroundings and react.

"What in devil's name are you doing here!" Bond exploded standing up to face her, dropping his hand from his side and both sticking them into his coat's pocket for comfort and to hide the fidgeting.

"I would think that is obvious James", she replied calmly, tugging on her gloves to pull them off.

"Not to me!" he said sharply, "you are interrupting my holiday, thank you very much!"

"Disappearing without notice is not what constitutes as a holiday as you very well know."

"M sent you," James guessed harshly, "wanting me back with my tail between my legs…"

"He doesn't know", she interrupted his tirade. "Better that way."

A silence followed as James seized up Moneypenny and her no nonsense stance. A tiny smile formed on his handsome face, he never thought that she could intimidate him but James was having second thoughts as she looked at him in that way. Like a teacher catching a naughty school-boy… or a spy M.I.A ing for a period.

"I have hot tea and sandwiches", Moneypenny broke the stillness that had descended on them. "Mr Draco kindly informed me that you never return until late to your house and I can clearly see for myself that you haven't been looking after yourself." The secretary looked him up and down, noting that the clothes were loosely hanging of 007's frame. "What will May think James when she sees you? You're going to give that lovely housekeeper a heart attack with your actions."

"I'm not hungry", Bond argued, childishly.

"I don't care what you think, you need to eat and so you will. Or we can stay here until you do", she retorted while making her way to the nearest bench, rummaging through the big bad slung over her shoulder. She started un-packing a large flask and a box. In softer tone she continued, "Come and sit down James before you fall down."

He did not know what he was doing but his feet started moving in that direction without his consent. Bond wanted to refuse and return to his vigil at Tracy's side but his gut instinct realised that he might lose with Moneypenny's strong mettle.

'Better to accept fate than push her', he thought rudely.

His footsteps were luggish and slow. The blood had forgotten to circulate. Finally he collapsed on the seat without his usual grace and stared ahead without seeing anything but his ears picked the sounds out of rustling papers.

A sandwich was thrusted into his vision.

"Its turkey with stuffing and mayonnaise," Moneypenny clarified for him. "I think that May was going to give me all the food in your house before I was allowed to catch the last flight out."

She waved it a bit in his face and gradually a hand reached out and took it. Then she busied herself with pouring James a cup of tea – not a lot of milk and two spoons full of sugar. It hurt her to see him like this and not being able to help. When she received a phone call the day before New Years' Eve by James frantic housekeeper, then she feared the worst for the 007 agent.

"Have some tea James", she said softly, "it will warm you up a bit."

Another hand came out and grabbed the small plastic cup from her outreached hand.

The warm filtered through his hand as the cup resided in his palm. He didn't know what to say or do, which was very unusual for a man considered SIS's womaniser.

"Why did you come Penny?" his voice flat but he was curious. He never had anyone going the distance to make sure he was safe and well.

"Well, I hate New Year for starters and thought that a little trip would boost me right up before going back to work", Moneypenny answered with a hint of amusement. She did not want him wallowing in sorry – Tracy wouldn't want that.

James turned and stared at her with his piercing grey eyes. Caught, she stared back hoping that he would understand that there were people who worried for him more than he knew.

A moment passed and James realised that he wasn't alone. There was a mutual understanding in Moneypenny's eyes – nothing she could say would bring his beloved Tracy back but that she wasn't giving up on him as well. He thought about May and his father-in-law. They were others that wouldn't allow him to forget to live either. He took a large bite of the delicious sandwich and forced it down his throat, gulping the tea to moisten his dry throat.

"I don't think that's complete true Penny is it?" replied James, with a bit of the old charm. "You were making sure that the New Year kiss would come from me." He smiled tentatively at her.

And she smiled back, lightly hitting him off the shoulder. "I see my plan has been discovered!"

A halting laugh erupted from inside of Bond and she smiled again. It was nice having 007 Bond back.

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